


First Heartbreak

by CryptidBane (Impetus)



Series: Quiet [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec's POV, Drabble, KIND of canon, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-08 04:25:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14097162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impetus/pseuds/CryptidBane
Summary: Alec learns about a new kind of hurt.





	First Heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> This is intended to be a stolen moment. It's not meant to be its own story with a build and a satisfying climax.  
> I actually never expected to post this because it's unedited, pointless, and a bit unseemly, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Alec learns that it’s harder than he expected. It’s quite a feat, considering the fact that he goes into everything assuming it will be difficult. Alec finds that being with Magnus is easy. Loving Magnus even moreso.

Losing Magnus always lingered in the back of his mind like persistent white noise. Magnus was always too _something_. Too experienced. Too immortal. Too beautiful for someone like Alec whose hands are made of scars and blood that is not his own. Alec always expected to lose Magnus.

Expectations never quite hold up to the real thing.

So when Magnus smiles ruefully at him with smeared kohl and shoulders that are too straight, Alec does what he planned to do when the time came. Except when he moves to smile and express understanding, a sob of “ _why”_ comes out instead.

“You have to protect your kind, Alec. I understand. So do I.”

 _We are too different_ , Alec hears instead.

And when Magnus finally leaves, Alec cannot swallow this pain like he could the others. 

***

In a way, Alec understands Magnus’ choice. It is a time of war and Alec is loyal to his family, friends, and his people.

But Alec was loyal to Magnus too. He is still loyal to Magnus despite the heavy hand of pressure still clenching around his heart. So despite the fact that every breath threatens to choke him, Alec refuses to die. Not here at the hands of a shadowhunter who acts like a self-righteous demon and wears a Circle rune with vicious pride.

He has to protect his own, just like Magnus said he would. 

Alec comes out of the fight with more scars and blood on his hands. Izzy reaches out to him like she always does and somewhere to his left, Alec can hear Jace urgently speaking into his ear.

“Alec? Are you okay?” 

“Yes,” Alec grumbles. 

“Then why does this hurt so much?” Jace says. The blond pulls up the bottom of his shirt and points accusingly at the rune carved into his hip. Alec opens his mouth to reassure his brother but Jace does not let him speak. “Parabatai bonds don’t lie. Parabatai don’t lie to each other _. Don’t lie to me,”_ Jace hisses. Alec can hear the hurt, but cannot bring himself to tell the truth. Izzy’s eyes burn as she stares at him with intensity equal to Jace’s words. 

“He left me,” Alec says finally. He looks up with the barest trace of anguish lining his eyes. 

Jace looks at him so piteously it almost makes Alec laugh. Of course Jace, who has suffered so much, feels bad for _him._ Of course Izzy, who still trembles when she thinks others aren’t looking, pulls him into her arms. Of course Magnus meant so much to him that they try to help shoulder the pain of his loss.

Alec understands why Magnus left. It doesn’t make it any easier for him to reconcile the fact that he would tear the world apart for Magnus while Magnus would rather walk away.

Everyone says your first heartbreak is an entirely new hurt. It overwhelms you and drags you with its deep seated claws into the ocean and stamps out all of your breath. People tell you to take time to mourn, they tell you to find another person to love and fill the space with.

But Alexander’s heart, broken though it may be, belongs to Magnus. 

It always will.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it even a little bit, please leave me some kudos! If you liked it a lot then a comment would be SUPER appreciated!  
> If you just want to yell about it with me, please hit me up on tumblr @alexandergideontrueblood and Twitter @CryptidBane
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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